December 20, 2017
Your story is safe here. And so are you.
This is my site. I will not diminish, trivialize or deny your experience as a wife or partner of a man called a sex addict, or with the prevailing treatment industry. Because I understand.
I also understand that first instinct to roll up your sleeves and get right to work on his recovery without paying attention to, or even being aware of your own needs. And I know we will not succeed if we follow that instinct.
Judith Herman, who wrote the ground-breaking book called Trauma and Recovery, describes what we need in three stages of recovery:
1. Safety & Stabilization
2. Remembrance & Mourning
3. Reconnection & Integration
In my eight years with wives and partners, I learned that these three things were the last things we would get from anyone associated with the professional cohort of sex addiction treatment practitioners. But you will get them here.
I am not afraid of your heartache, your truth, your grief, your anger, or your fear. I respect those things as signs of your sanity. I understand your trauma symptoms and have immersed myself in learning how to diminish, manage, and sometimes eliminate them. I will share tools and strategies with you. I believe in you and your capacity to heal, rebuild your life, and make decisions that honor your core values--whether you stay or whether you go. Everything I have created in services, resources, and free materials is directed to that end. After three decades investing in people’s lives, this work I am doing now is the hardest, the most important, and utterly sacred.
So there it is. And here I am.
Your story is safe here. And so are you. Welcome.
You take care now,