The “Pop-Up Store” Treatment Industry "Pops-Down" in a Pandemic?

As a community and workplace traumatologist I have been hard at creating resources and doing workshops since mid-March, when news of the coronavirus pandemic settled into our lives. As our neighbours to the south hit the storm full sail with over 155,000 deaths, I talked with one of my US colleagues about the sex addiction treatment industry’s silence during the pandemic. It appears they’ve made a strategic choice to be dumb.

They certainly aren’t talking about the increased life and death risks for wives and partners of men they call sex addicts. Of course, what’s also shocking is that they are dumb about the risk to their priority one clients—the men they call sex addicts.

The industry seems to act more like a “pop-up” store that “pops-down” when a pandemic underlines the real health risks in play now. They know they ask wives and partners to take those risks when they encourage them to stay with their sex addict for “at least a year” before making any decisions about separation. They just don’t name them. But in a pandemic the naming choice is out of their hands.

In the harsh glare of drive-through deep nasal testing, the industry’s silence about the “regular” risks it asks women to absorb without ever discussing those risks just became a deafening silence over Covid-19.

Just try to find any kind of statement of caution to the men they call sex addicts or to their wives and partners. They have not passed on any crucial information about the spread of this virus and how to protect yourself—not to their priority one male clients or to the poor wives and partners. They have not addressed risky sexual behaviours and the spread of the virus. They have not addressed living with someone who takes these risks. They have not addressed the possible escalation of activities like contact with remote/virtual sex industry workers or porn, for example. They have not provided resources for wives and partners to deal with any of this.

I’ve been doing internet searches every which way I can imagine them. I’ve checked industry front runners (organizations and “headliners”) for any statements or blogs on this topic. I can’t find them. Some of those people have multiple blogs going all the time, but not now. The “Pop-Up” treatment outfits have “Popped-Down”! Nothing good can result for them if they act responsibly. It will just point out what I’ve been pointing out for years—the risks they ask women to take for themselves and their children are real and lives are at stake.

So. Not. One. Word. 

Have I missed any of the key players in this industry offering any to wives and partners about taking special care of themselves in their relationship with a man called a sex addict during a pandemic? I’m happy to give credit where credit is due. I can’t find anything.

This debacle of irresponsibility doesn’t surprise me, but it certainly shakes me and frightens me. It makes me realize again how ruthless misogyny is. I realize how vulnerable we all are, all the time, to the point of view that our lives are not worth as much as his, and certainly not worth the economic rewards of the treatment industry.

They’ve “Popped-Down” for now. Let the test results fall where they may (if you can afford the test and if you can get one at all.) It’s your problem. All of it.

You know, people who are trauma professionals come in all kinds of packages. Our focus and training varies, but we know trauma and the basic pieces of trauma care are common to all of us. That’s why I’m able to do the work that I do in disasters, critical incidents, and pandemics. But when you don’t really have those trauma basics in place, when you don’t actually do trauma care, you really have nothing to offer in any traumatic event to anybody. In a pandemic, that becomes screamingly obvious.

It’s a silent scream. But I’m hearing it. Are you?

With you,

Diane.

P.S. a question came about what risks are in play. The likelihood of continued covert sexual and sexualized activity (which practitioners tell you to expect) includes risk of sexually transmitted diseases and NOW, the transmission of Covid-19 to you and your children.