First Things and Second Things

Thank you, subscribers, for your ongoing interest in my blog about topics arising from my life and work with wives and partners of men called sex addicts.

This hard work is also holy work to me. It draws on “first things” of what it means for me to be a human being in this world—being true, investing in people, seeking justice, and finding humour in the midst of it all. These are first things for me. But l also want to introduce you to “second things.” “Second things” are the epiphanies that break through all our life survival patterns and success strategies and show us what we need to understand in order to be more than we have been in our lives. “First things” seem like a part of us. “Second things” are about going deeper in our lives because of how our life unfolds.

A “second thing” I learned after my experience as a wife of a man called as sex addict was how little I had loved myself or honored the sacred worth of “me”. Here I was, shocked to be in a story about how little my husband loved me, but inspired to drill deeper than that tiresome tale that I couldn’t change, and enter the story of how little I loved myself! Now, there was a story I could change. And it is slowly changing. I feel my own worth more than ever. I am kind to myself. I hold myself with acceptance. Just that much lets me see how to help myself more than ever. I’m investing in my life as much as I invest in others. This “second thing” now calls me to model self-acceptance, self-compassion, and self-respect in my public life as much as I try to promote it for you.  

On that note, it is time to take a brief rest from the discipline of writing original material each week for my readers, “From my life to yours, with love.” I need to let my mind settle, my spirit rest, my body relax, and my heart continue to heal. That’s what I decided as I walked down the gravel road this morning with my old dog. The soybeans in the left field had jumped up from the last rains and the green wheat in the right field was now gold. The summer was passing. And I was tired.

But I will not be away for long, just long enough. So look for me in your mailbox in a few weeks. And may these August weeks also be your weeks to dip your toe a little deeper into self-acceptance, self-compassion and self-respect. Maybe there are a few “second things” in there for you, too.

Forget the toe thing. Jump right in. It’s just what we all need.

With you,



If you haven’t registered for Sweetwater Retreats “Fall in Florida” event for women like us, check out for more information. I think the Georgia retreat for next weekend may be full, but if you feel like striking while the iron is hot, visit their website and contact them asap! Jump right in. You never know. Your life might just be worth it, too.

Diane Strickland